Known as a common defense mechanism for someone with BPD that is done unknowingly to cope is called splitting. It is the brains attempt at protecting against any intense negative feeling/ feelings. Splitting causes the individual to see everything as all or nothing, black or white. Sometimes as all good or all bad. People with BPD can split on anyone, place and sometimes even objects. Quickly going from idealizing/ idolizing to devaluating “Oh I love him so much” to “I hate him, he never listens”. These behaviors are stigmatized but they are really just bad coping mechanisms that can be worked on with treatment to help create a life of consistency by realizing the triggers and working on them to the source and allowing yourself to take new paths when presented.
If you know someone who is splitting it can be very confusing for you and most of the time us. Please communicate and educate yourself! The best offence is defense in my eyes, having a plan for if your friend or partner splits is so important. Communication can save the day!
Some things that can help is every time you find yourself thinking or about to speak an absolute (always/never) will be an opportunity to reframe. You can also “check” yourself when you find yourself demonizing or idealizing someone (even yourself) know this is the opportunity to reframe! Instead of the absolute (they always do this, they never…) Think in solid facts ( they did this, he shows up). As you do this a new pattern will come to play that is healthy and splitting will become less of an occurrence as you learn together.
Some days this will come easily others its a struggle but please never give up because youj deserve healing.
With love, Jasmine
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